Jack of All Trade : Master of General Management ( The Final Part )

Human Resource Management was Pathetic helplessness to me !

"If you don't leap, you'll never know what it's like to fly."
said some wisecrack , I am the kind ,who would make sure if the parachute on my back is not just a Haversack.

So let me Introduce you to HRM

(The Subject which changed the face of Humanity in my class).

I liked the subject very much , Infact I had a pretty decent hold on the subject , but I never knew why ?

(Motivation : HR Continuum and a host of other HR related Events in the campus, A Number of visitors (read : Females, Chicks, Babes) who were very alien to our campus, participated in large number for such events for reasons I can never comprehend ,but it helped me to sustain my interest in the subject. I did aspire to take up some subjects for Specialization , but due to lack of good company for Abstract Conversations (Read: mismatch in attractiveness & feasibility factors of fellow companions) had to abandon the idea.

So , What is Human Resource Management all about ?

Thats the most absurd elementary question , I have ever heard.

The Subject,in my own words, can be articulated as " The Sentiment of Mankind "
( also Womankind , without any prejudice)

Honestly speaking , I dont know and will never know what the above sentence means and Please do not worry about who coined it , coz Its Me .

By and Large , I had figured out How to deal with the subject.

1) If you wanted to delay the class quizzes, ask some Radical Questions during case discussions like ( Why dont we fire the Employee who came late to the office).

First of all the prof would return a cold Gaze of anxiety as if u had fired him and would try to search for the miserable soul amidst the sea of " Emotionally Impaired " Individuals to beat him to pulp.
This would stir up a debate and one could always enjoy it sitting and watching the fun from the last bench.

2) Never use your Analytical Skills ( You will again be considered "Emotionally Incompetent")

3) Use the word "It Depends " a lot , It gives you elbow space to wriggle urself out of hostile situations.

Typical Examples would be

Example 1:

Prof : " What do you think you will do when you encounter such a situation ?

I : "You see, one has to consider a lot of extraneous factors , blah blah blah "
"It depends " whether you want to take action or not ...........


Example 2:

Now, observe, my drift

Prof : " So How about Disciplinary Action against you , for Not having sufficient attendance "

I : "You see, one has to consider a lot of extraneous factors blah blah blah "
"It depends " whether you want to take action or not ...........

Me : Oopsie ! What in the name of @#$% was I thinking ! Almighty Save my Ass !


Myself : Hey Buddy , Remove ur Earplugs , try and understand the question
Sense the context & Tone..... .
Its not a reflex action , u jackass.

I hope u get the drift.

So Never Answer the Questions (Instantaneously , or as a Reflex Action). Act as if u r thinking, take some time to ponder and then give the same answer. I am just kidding !!! ( But It works )

5) Never use Jargons with the Profs (Its a very bad Idea , u will surely miss your lunch or Dinner sometimes Both)

6) There can never never be a Right or a Wrong answer. Because the Prof always has the Perfect answer.

7) Never Worry about Class Quizzes & Exams , Because the Subject is so Subjective that the "Most Prepared Individual is as unprepared as the Most Unprepared Individual".

being an optimist myself, I will rephrase it to

"The Most Unprepared Individual is as prepared as the Most Prepared Individual"

Let me narrate an incident...........

I specialized in what I call psychological war.. I mean, who the hell gets reference books to study before an HR exam, when the text book itself seems #@$% but No, I was sitting in my den, amidst a sea of HR reference books.......... and Bang !

Kaustav Enters

Kaustav would ask "Tu kya kar raha hai mama” which infact was our common despairing refrain and I would answer in all earnestness ”No yaar, see this definition is given so beautifully in that book.. now when u combine Prof's notes with that.. It will be an unbeatable combination ...... what say ”

So after all this, Kaustav decides to park himself beside me during the exams, safe in the knowledge that if u just reproduce (‘copy’is such a rude word, don’t u think ?) whatever I am writing, he is safe… now picture this..the exam starts,

Kaustav whispers to me ”show, u bugger..” and then he hears an almost apologetic voice

”yaar, definition ka first line yaad nahi aa raha hai.. , sab kuch bhool gaya ”


Moral

So really don't bother too much about the exams. Your chances are 50-50 so are others.......

I guess the prof laments to this day and had abandoned all hopes of teaching the subject after We ended up Getting Good Grades in his subject .......

8) Your chances of becoming a case study are pretty high

"CASE STUDY - Kaustav"

The prof used to quote examples about a number of students, who were asked to leave the School because they could not manage a minimum of 6 CGPI. The prof infact had done a case study on the same and had hinted that , there was always scope for increasing the entries in the list.

Kaustav always used to picture his name in that list .............


What Kaustav had to say about HR

"Human resources was a class I looked forward to. I suspect a lot of students in my class did too. We were disarmed by the stories from friends in other B-schools how HR was a harmless and peaceful respite from the challenges of say Quant, or particularly Finance .But that was normal and that happened in other schools, not down here in the trench. By the time I realized it , we were a DD down(practically that’s as good as a fail. In fact there is a point of opinion that a fail grade would have been better than a DD)

And then the shit hit the fan. We had a class quiz on some HR question, to which there cannot be any right answer, and ergo, so Prof thought that all the answers were wrong. After getting a score of 0/5 I was not disconsolate, I was numb. It didn’t make any sense to me and to neither of my other classmates who were in a similar situation. I met mama staring at his paper as if the marks would change automatically if only he stared long and hard enough. The only person cool in the class was Mr. Bumba who had slept through the class in his hostel room and hence not taken the test.

The pattern did not change in the final exam of that semester as our group was ruthlessly demolished in the term. so we decided to apply the old oil, and that too in barrelfuls.

The next semester was a bit critical for us with me hanging by a thread and the Prof armed with a 6 grade course and holding our fates so to speak in his paws. Our routine never wavered…. we even drew lots to find out who had the unpleasant duty that day.. it consisted of one team member sidling up to his room and ask him all sorts of questions on the subject of HR, about which he knew nothing and personal relations, about which his knowledge extended into the negative. But some other teams had hit upon the same idea, and it was disgusting to see that the bloody 9-pointers had adopted the same strategy and was actually applying it better than us ! "


10) And Finally

The subject was a lot Inhuman when compared to other subjects. Some of my fellow Classmates did try to make frantic calls to the NHRC ( National Human Rights Commission) for the treatment sought out to them. Nonetheless we had to go back and de-evolve to Savagery & Barbarism from the so called Civilized lot we were.


Inspite of all these , The Subject was amazing in its own way. It essentially dealt with people.
I was fortunate that I was exposed to it and enjoyed the subject a lot.

Finally Summarizing ( If you could Excuse me ) For all the Gyan on My Specializations

I Guess I was neither good at any nor bad at any.

No wonder , the phrase

"Jack of all Trade , Master of General Management "


Thats

I , Me, Myself

With Inputs from Kautsav.

(c) Kandy 2007.